Tense past

Today the feeling has passed somewhat, but over the last weeks, if not months I get this incredible sense of depression, when I think about how we are living on this Earth. How societies operate, that we all need to make some money to live, and most of people, just barely scrape by.

Does not matter if you live in France, or in Thailand, USA, the Congo, Morocco. This notion of humanity and evolution and technological advances, hampered, and interrupted, by this constant need for just the basic needs, barely. Again and again and again.

How even if here in the Netherlands, almost everyone got a 10 percent increase/raise, it was called for cause the prices had already increased by more. Even if everyone would get say 200-400 bucks a month more, the market would immediately adjust for sucking up the difference.
It is, however unintentional, rigged.

Of course this was triggered by my own shaky financial situation, which is now a bit more stable once again, but as a Reflector looking at yours; my friends, my loved ones, my network and far far beyond, I feel really fucking down and depressed.

Wanted to let you know, somehow, I see and it hurts.

MoonBlog 9.3
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Human Design FURTHER

“Is there anyone here who has experienced, and made it through apathy and prolonged depression during their HD experiment?”

when I smoked pot & hash every day, when I took LSD for the better part of a year, when I was a severe alcoholic, when I was homeless, when I was in prison, when I came out of prison, when I was single. When my mind was running the shitshow.

But never so much anymore since/during my HD experiment. But my life has been radically changed (well one could call it that, I kinda like it, so the comparison is just words) cause I occupy my left/active brain as much as possible with things that I enjoy.

Tinkering my ass off, with guitars, guitar effect pedals, amplifiers, modding them, tweaking and nerding. Since almost 2 years I got a 3d printer now THAT can keep you occupied !! 😀
and am looking forward to tinker with a cnc milling machine next, besides the motorbike(s) tinkering I always did.

“Sjef, why does your living room look like a barn?” she asked.
Because I can !

And, I only watch what I download myself, ie movies/tv-shows. And when I travel I take a vaccin if required. I no longer occupy my mind with the world, and it’s supposed issues, but mine only. I have become much more myopic, not even on purpose per se, not even as a mental strategy, but I do know it works for me.

Am I chasing only happy states? No, in the least, my daily life is not easy, but I know what I want to do with it, now, with the opportunities I now have. If I win the lottery those may change, but for now, I’m pretty damn good.

And then a few days of relapse, deep darkness, sadness. Mind projecting me all these things again. Ah well, time for another nap, or perhaps to level the bed once more (technical 3d printing term) 😉

Make/have dinner, clean the house/barn, pffrt (blowing raspberry)

you know, I consider my life, and how it’s run, as a job. And I love my job, and I love me. So I try to do a good job. And work on it every single day. What is correct for me, what can I or can I not do/have/be today, enjoyable long term strategies planned, but adjusted as need be. Me, my life, one job. Every day.

Some times it is nap day, sometimes it is not ?
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