June 2014

MoonBlog 7.2

The emotionally overwhelmed mind is unaware of any consequences, being caught up in only now, in this single moment of the wave there is no perception beyond this now. This can start to really fuck things up when speaking or acting before the clarity has actually arrived.

Following up on the wild interpretation of the intensity and ravishing all within reach for that singular phased truth, now. To only learn about the mis-take later, and to further the depth of drama may even beg for forgiveness, by that time it is either not applicable or can be too late.

It is the mind that regrets what the mind has done, in response to that momentary perception of this particular now, of this singular phase of the wave. If and when there is no truth in the now, who is speaking anyway and what is the content?
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Moon Blog 12.2

Feelings are like torrential rains, there is nothing you can do to stop them

We try to protect ourselves from these overwhelming experiences, but all you really have to ‘do’ is to stop what it is you -are- doing. And allow that flushing flood.

Just like in that massive rain, you can not continue walking, or driving your moped as the rain and winds beat down on you, the water and winds permeating your clothes and chilling you to the bone. Or even flying in a jet-plane through the clouds as you and the plane are rocked and shuffled

You have got to let go of having any control over this emotional weather.

Including the positive ones !

You stop, you look around, you discern what is happening, and make yourself as comfortable as possible for allowing the flow, of water and winds, feelings and emotions. Happy and sad ones.

And as the intensity rolls away and slowly slowly moves beyond the horizon, you go back to all those doings of life, walking on the pavement, on your moped on the soggy back-roads, or in a business jet-plane piercing the clouds.
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MoonBlog 42.4

I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I did that

Oh, I’m still bleeding
how you must hate me
because I did not understand
and I made that comment
when you told me this story
and then the other day
of me
of you
I am so scared
I am so bad
I am rotten to my core
of course you don’t like me
I know I should have expected this
I feel horrible about myself
I feel horrible
I don’t like it when I deserved it
did I deserve this?
am I bad?
is it because you have reason to not like me?
is it because you don’t like me?
is it because of something else?
is it because of that?
is it?
when I looked at you funny
what happened the other day?
is it because of what happened?
are you evil?
did I do something wrong?
why did -you- prick -me-?
why did you prick me?
don’t you love me?
you scare me
when you prick me?
what am I to think of me?
what am I to think of our relationship?
what am I to think of you?
what am I to think of this?
I don’t like that -you- pricked -me-
I dont like being pricked
auw that hurt

the reversed reasoning of the not-self mind
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Moon Blog 63.2

yesterday I read this link I found on FB:


and particularly nr.2 (“We know things without having to intellectually figure them out. Often called intuitive awareness, we have ‘a-ha’ moments and insights that can explain some of the most complex theories or phenomenon in the world.”)
spoke to me considering this topic (https://www.facebook.com/groups/96640388365/10152263961118366/). Because yes, some information needs to be verified, tested in our personal experimentation and some maybe scientifically and more. Within the greater scheme of things and the validity of Human Design particularly, but some really do seem unexplainable, and that is ok to be. Which is not about believing, but it is about trust.

And it is not even about trust that it will be ok (as in good), or it will be this or trust that it will be that. but trust that it does not matter to me, living my life what it actually is, how and why it is. That for me was the big breakthrough in my life, of having the acute realization of -not needing- to know anymore. While still not believing any of it, but simply having found an inner cadence to living my life, with the Lunar Cycle, with my S&A, and seeing that -that- actually works.
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Moon Blog 11.5

It is a great joy to notice people coming to me with all sorts of questions, conversations, remarks, discussions, arguments and more in private messages, about this, about that. Usually Human Design related, but some also on my other passions guitars and motorbikes and all their paraphernalia, and some relating to former occupations like my computer-tech business and inter-net-working and my education in graphic design.

Sure not all interactions go smoothly, but that sorts itself out rather quickly too.

To see people find me, and ask me stuff they can see in me, which I might not talk about, like solving puzzles/riddles on information. How does this work? Do you have any info on that? Which I usually do. Or know someone else who does.

Permaculture, I-Ching, Lunar Cycles, Gearbox ratios, Guitar bridges, marketing and lay-out, proofreading and feedback sessions and a dip in my extended digitized library of stuff, of information. Where some gets paid, some unexpectedly and some is shared for free sometimes also to my surprise.

I mean, hello everybody.
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MoonBlog 6.1

I don’t have a smart center, I don’t have an I know what I need to know center. I have centers for wisdom, yes, but none of my centers give me any indication of what I need to do in my life. None of them respond with any authority of what is and what is not correct for me, or whom.

My Inner Authority is a process, and it is through this processing that I can become aware of it. Latent, dormant, or quite new. What is what and what is me in or with that, and how. Is it this? Is it that? I do not yet know. I do not.
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Moon Blog 47.6

something is dawning on me, like an insight and perhaps preliminary conclusion (and perhaps complete and utter nonsense), which is; whatever the Reflector encounters, they -have- to filter it, and not even that, the filtering, the sampling has already started. There is no not filtering of someone, or something when it has reached the vicinity of a Reflector. And even going beyond the breathing in of life through the Digestion as in PHS where one can stop their sampling, their breathing in of this or that, as another sense has picked up on something or someone too.

And when filtering happens, conclusions happens, discernments happen.
I believe (.) that this is part why, we need to be so careful who we are with, what they say, what tv we watch, and what information we allow in our Facebook newsfeed.

Because we can not not filter that which comes in our lives, filtering started the moment one of our senses picked up on it. So filtering who you filter is in order. Here on Facebook this might mean to unfriend someone, or even block them, but unfollowing is also an option, while remaining FB friends. To stop all notifications from certain groups, or even leave certain groups, if and when you notice you are stuck filtering what is going on there.

And this also includes filtering messages about horrible things in the world, be it mistreated pets, or dolphins, tv-shows, movies, the news… as we can have (I say, but debatable) this mechanical functioning in processing about things that might not be for us.
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Moon Blog 59.4

All those lovely creatures doing all their coming together, all kinds of spiritual work, all the rituals all the movements, all the behaviorisms deemed to help them wake up, or even maybe, possibly, some day, if they are good enough, attain enlightenment. while not for once seeing, seeing with their minds eyes, that they will be stuck in the mannerisms and meditations the yoga exercises the roughing it out and chantings in groups, the long or short pilgrimages in the illusion that that is, how you wake the fuck up. That it is through the act, the doing, the postures, day in and day out, is how you become, or are a good person, a correct person, one who is awake. And all that is now needed, is only more people doing exactly like you are, thinking exactly like you too, what you are against, what you are for, having the same vision of how to better a world, how to change what is unwanted. If my own individual thoughts and behaviours, prayers, mantra’s and facetube posts do not help, it must be a numbers game. 144.000 people maybe/perhaps, as we then seek and ploy, to gain momentum, never alone, never enough, never good enough, never, NEVER ! How to change, this, and that, change, never accepting, never dropping, never letting go. Well, letting go of all the things we deem bad in ourselves, dropping all of those that we can not include in our vision for this world, for what we deem and seem and agree upon of what is spiritually correct, as we make signs to hang next to our frontdoors “love and light only”. While still not understanding why we, ourselves still suffer so much, inside, and when we can not contain it any longer, as it overflows our outside, our connections with others, our interactions, where we feel shame for our human behaviour, where we talk and talk gratuitously about our perceived wrongdoings, but never about our unwanted thoughts, our unwanted desires our yearnings, cravings, that are unfit to share, to express. How we overflow with angry frustrations, about our lives, our situations, our love lives. how, we, overflow but keep our heads down in search for the next, the next, the next… solution, the next meditation, the next group, in the next country, with the next lover. That lover who is, just like us, so open minded, so identical to our vision for the world, that was never my own vision but is something I fell into, and adhered to, felt drawn to. So I would not feel so alone anymore, so helpless, and incompetent, so ashamed, so angry, so… Until that lover too turns out to be an angry frustrated overflowing blob of shameful helplessness trapped in mannerisms and behaviourisms clinging with clasping fingertips to a sign from a frontdoor packing a bag in the hasted escape to another, the next, the … other… the other…?
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