51.1

MoonBlog 51.1 reference

When I started to live on my own, as a young kid still, I would have a coffee and a few cigarettes in the morning, and just fiddle around (pre internet dayz). Then only around lunch time I would eat something, and then dinner again, later on in the evening a cookie perhaps. And did so for many, many years.

In 2009 I stopped smoking and in 2011 I got conditioned to eat breakfast, (at the International Osho Resort) and have eaten breakfast ever since. And have become more overweight ever since. No blame to the resort though.

Understanding what an emotional eater I am, how easily most anything/everything is an emotional trigger, for good, for bad, for happy, for sad, I like eating. And with my PHS of Open Taste and Smell, and undefined Solar Plexus, I eat 🙂

I have esophagus issues, since about 2 years, probably a rupture somewhere at the lower esophageal sphincter (LES), cause of overweight, the only remedy; lose weight.
I went to see a dietitian and she did help me see some interesting things about my food intake, and so some things were changed radically, other things actually increased, like my breakfast intake and to double-up on lunch, since I was underfeeding myself in the morning and at lunch and therefor over eating on way too fatty foods during dinner, besides the whole taste/smell thing. But I kept eating, eating to much, too often.

Maybe not according to any schedule, or system, but according to my body.

So 2 weeks ago I got more esophagus pain, like it was contracting a muscle, or like a leg cramp, but then in your chest, very painful. I checked my weight, and I was heavier then when I started dieting… I knew I was over eating again, and so I quit.

But most importantly, I quit breakfast. Now I just have a coffee in the morning, some interwebz, and then only around lunch time, I eat again.

And that late night cookie is 1 again, not 2, or more.

And I feel a slow deeper layer of feeling fine again, of feeling healthier for eating less, and also, less often, and less emo triggered. I feel lighter inside, even if I have not checked my weight, or am going to check in a while 😉

It is so funny to not have ‘hunger’ issues when following the body’s correctness, for not eating since late night cookie until lunch. Not feeling woozy either. Just very naturally fine. And landing back, digesting exactly like it was before.

Your body already knows, now get out of the ff-ing way.
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MoonBlog 51.1 reference

Reading the 1st lecture of Rave Cosmology 3, Dying, Death and Bardo Stages, I suddenly think both my parents had a near complete Bardo (ie 72 hours) due to circumstances.

Bardo1

My father had a stroke while in the shower, at age 36. He was born with some kind of heart issue which he never spoke about. Even on our questions why he was never in military service he replied with: ‘feet too big’. Supposedly he should have taken better care of himself, on his health and body and nutrition. Personally I think this is complete bullshit and just an excuse to explain something unexplainable. For a while as a child I believed it, and it seemed to make sense. Now that I’m older I see the irrelevance of this nonsense talk. I mean we lived in a normal house with heating and plumbing and windows, we had enough meals a day for sustenance. And the food was regular food. I never saw him eat supposed horrible foods either. But I digress…

After the stroke, he was brought to hospital in the nearby city. We (me and my 2 sisters) were taken care of by hired help and were sent to school and such and I guess I visited once in that time, early on. He was there for about a week, maybe 2, until he died, unable to recover. But since we had not seen him for about a week, we lamented (at least I did, in my memory) of wanting to see him once more before his cremation, I can not say for certain if he was held underground or not, and I might find the actual dates and such, but I have this thought that our wanting to see him, gave him some time to leave correctly.
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