relationship

I remember thinking

-Mark: “I remember thinking oh I should say something but what I actually ended up doing was being like nah it’ll be fine it’ll work itself out SPO done that too many times right and so we sweep we sweep it under the carpet and eventually you trip on the pile that’s under the carpet and what I realized through that was like my avoidance of conflict was not altruistic it was not I thought it was like oh I’m doing a good thing

now really unconsciously what I’m doing is avoiding conflict because conflict can lead to a fracturing attachment a fracturing connection but what it’s present in as is like oh I’m going to avoid these they can’t handle the truth they’re too reactive they won’t be able to hear this that’s not love first off if you are not sharing what you truly feel someone doesn’t get to truly know you so you never really get fully known in your relationships and then you feel like you don’t feel fully loved but you haven’t actually brought the full version of yourself there

which is really because we’re afraid of being rejected but what happens in the a fear of bringing our full selves to the relationship and thereby not doing it for fear of rejection is we live in the very embodiment of rejection and so my prayer for everybody is to say lay Truth at the table because if you lay Truth at the table the system starts to orient around truth now most of us develop our adaptive strategies things like being really intuitive and having being great very gregarious being great at sales

these are all superpowers when they’re harnessed but before that they’re manipulation and that sounds like a a criticism or a negative word but the behavior itself needs to be called out for what it is it’s it’s a shadow behavior and it’s operating from a place of fear and when you don’t tell someone the truth because you don’t think they can handle it one you get to live the story two you also get to blame them for not having the capacity for being able to hold what you want to share and three they never get to become the person who can hold it

so we end up recreating our very Rel the very relational Dynamics we’re trying to avoid and I’d say on top of all this is that we are not experiencing love in those circumstances and we’re not experiencing Freedom you know I think about how often we pursue everything we love when we leave relationships we all of a sudden pursue our dreams and I’m like why wouldn’t we actually make the relationship the place that truth gets honored and if we Place truth ahead of staying together

now at least now we’re really cooking because that’s actually the way that relationships truly Thrive is that they say I’m going to tell you the truth and I’m not going to protect you from your feelings because I’m sure that’s probably happened in your life I trust that you can hold this and there’s a deeper bond that gets created from that because look at our society this is a micro and a meta we’re placing feelings ahead of reality we’re placing feelings ahead of Truth and I can tell you right now that that is that’s just a giant trauma response that’s masquerading as altruism and it’s bulshit”

-Adam: “and it’s not sustainable and in fact many of us grew up in well many of us grew up in families that were not sustainable and we learn skills in an unsustainable system which we then carry out into the world so the only thing we know how to build is unsustainable relationships”

-Andrey: “and we actually talked about this extensively throughout many of our videos and many of our podcast interviews and there’s a found found issue here and and foundational issue is really trust mixed with control right I do not trust you to be able to process this and I choose to control the narrative to control the relationship in a way that makes me feel safe in a way that makes me feel safe Myself by controlling your reaction upon me”

“are you interested in a romantic relationship with me?”

Im starting to get his sense that it (…) does not hinge on information or correctness, but all about emotional (im)maturity, some are born with/out and the rest is consequence, unless they grow some/more, as the only real growth path out there worth anything.

MoonBlog 53.2
Gate 53 of beginnings. Development.
Development as a structured progression that is both steadfast and enduring
Gate 53 Line 2 (exalted) momentum. Success breeds success
Exalted: The protection of early success nurtures further achievement. The pressure to start something new based on past success.
Detriment: A tendency with early success to haste and imprudent action. The pressure based on success to be impatient for something new.
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There is always this joke

slide by Francis Bliven for Rave Cartography ©2010

of people looking for their soul mate and it‟s really inside. It‟s this relationship between the Personality and the Design. It‟s the relationship between Personality consciousness and the vehicle.”

“One of my standing jokes is that if you‟re looking for your mystical partner, your soul mate, well, you‟re looking for your Design.”

“One of our illusions is that we can have the “soul mate” relationship. Well, I prefer that you see that as a relationship between your personality crystal your design crystal. You‟re more likely to find your soul mate inside than you’re ever going to find it outside.”

“The real soul mates are Design and Personality, after all.” – Ra Uru Hu
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MoonBlog 31.2 arrogance

In relationships one can be heard saying: “I have a problem with you about money”, which is an interesting story. Because basically we ourselves have a problem about money then, but the mind uses the other as a lightning rod to distract us from that. And so an argument, about money, or about the other, begins. Drama made up by the mind.

The problem is about money then, so we think, but besides money being ‘the root of all evil’ in some circles, money can’t talk back it does not respond to our worries and woes, so money is quickly dropped as being the focus of our problem and only the other is left to carry that accusation and weight.

But who is having said problem? We have, well actually, our mind has a problem. And then uses us, money and the other as reasons to dramatize.

See, the story is not about the other, it is not even about money and it certainly is not about us ourselves.
The story is about the story (!!) as the mind wants to dramatize and make up different beliefs to heckle us incessantly and distract us from things actually already being ok, so it can stay in control to run our lives.

“See, look the other, or money, there is your problem, see how right I am and good I am taking care of you?”

And we tend to think the story is about the other, money or even ourselves, when none of those are the issue. We waste countless hours considering this & that, but the only real issue we have, is the stories themselves that we hear and run with. The stories we are being distracted by in the illusion of even having a problem in the first place. And then we try to -resolve the topic- of that story, with more countless hours of energy, discussions, perhaps even going online looking for support for this issue, or pay someone to listen to us having all these issues, where slowly as we peel away the layers of our thinking about the other first, money second, ourselves third, we think (again) to have a handle on things, on our issues, while making elaborate schemes how to handle money, how to deal with the other with money, how we look at our own issues with money too. Patting ourselves on the back how far we think we’ve come.

When the made-up story itself is never looked at, the foundation, the reasons of even having the story to begin with.
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