50/50 Squelches Our Sexual Essence


“I am suggesting that, as we have grown in wholeness, many of us have lost touch with our own true sexual essence as well as our partner’s, so we aren’t getting what we really want in a relationship. Instead of enjoying the uniqueness of each person’s sexual essence, we often settle for a fair, relatively healthy, yet mediocre sense of equality.

For instance, we may think we want to share “old-style” Masculine and Feminine responsibilities equally with our intimate partner. So, we agree to a fair, 50/50 split right down the middle but we really don’t enjoy cooking half the time or changing the oil in the car half the time. It just doesn’t feel authentic to our core. It doesn’t feel like our true gift. Our sexual essence ends up feeling squelched. It’s not completely fulfilling, but at least it’s fair.

We also end up unfulfilled when we disregard the sexual essence of our intimate partner. For example, we want our partners to be receptive and listen to us as if they were our therapists, but we also want them to ravish us as if they were gods or goddesses of love. Our partners may become so used to “giving us space” and listening to our problems, however, that they no longer feel free to spontaneously ravish us with the wild force of their love.

When we lose touch with the unique expressions of our sexual essence or our partner’s, we get confused, our partner gets confused and both of our true desires remain starved. Our obligation in intimacy is to give and receive the deepest gifts of love gifts that are unique to each person and that cannot be predetermined by some outdated cultural ideal of the proper roles for men and women, or by a modern cultural ideal that men and women should be more alike, capable of and interested in the same careers, emotions and life-goals. Ongoing passion and growth in intimacy requires us to let go of our ideas of what we ”should” be doing and instead trust the wisdom inherent in our unguarded heart and uninhibited body.

By becoming conscious of our native sexual essence, we are no longer confused about what we want to receive in intimacy and from whom we want it. We are empowered to give our unique gifts as sexual beings and also to attract a partner who will give us the special gifts that we want from our chosen source of intimate emotional and sexual loving not from our friends, business partners and therapists, but from our lover, our consort, our spouse. When we are ready to grow beyond the fair but flat confines of a 50/50 Relationship, we learn to reconnect with the great gifts of our unique sexual essence. We learn how to trust it, how to give it and how to receive it from our partner. We can stop treating each other as generic people and begin savoring the refreshing delicacy of uninhibited sexual essence.” – David Deida, Intimate Communion – awakening your sexual essence