David Deida

“I relax into oneness and spontaneously give my deepest gift”

“If we have grown beyond a 50/50 Relationship, we are no longer cautious about giving our love to our intimate partner. At certain moments we might beg and whimper; at other moments we might aggressively ravish our partner in love. Still at other times our loving is serene and sweet. But whether shouting, screaming, pleading, pushing, pulling, biting or hugging, we are gifting our partner with our uninhibited and free love, flowing directly from our sexual essence without fear or doubt.

If we have grown into the practice of Intimate Communion, the imaginary videotape does not pose a dilemma since we understand that the fundamental difference between rape and ravishment is simple: Love. Is love the motive of every squeeze, shriek and nibble, regardless of how forceful, aggressive or passionate? Or is it a motive of need the need for sex, the need for power, the need for control?

Most important, in the practice of Intimate Communion we learn that love is something you do, not something you “fall into” or “out of.” Love is something that you practice, like playing tennis or the violin, not something you happen to feel or not. If you are waiting to feel love, in passionate sex or safe conversation, you are making a mistake. Love is an action that you do and when you do it, you feel it. When you are loving, others find you lovable. Love is an action you can practice.

Therefore, in Intimate Communion we learn to practice loving even when we feel hurt, rejected or resistant. First we practice love, and then our native sexual essence blooms, naturally, inevitably, because we are learning to give from our core, which includes the root of our sexuality.” – David Deida, Intimate Communion – awakening your sexual essence

50/50 Squelches Our Sexual Essence


“I am suggesting that, as we have grown in wholeness, many of us have lost touch with our own true sexual essence as well as our partner’s, so we aren’t getting what we really want in a relationship. Instead of enjoying the uniqueness of each person’s sexual essence, we often settle for a fair, relatively healthy, yet mediocre sense of equality.

For instance, we may think we want to share “old-style” Masculine and Feminine responsibilities equally with our intimate partner. So, we agree to a fair, 50/50 split right down the middle but we really don’t enjoy cooking half the time or changing the oil in the car half the time. It just doesn’t feel authentic to our core. It doesn’t feel like our true gift. Our sexual essence ends up feeling squelched. It’s not completely fulfilling, but at least it’s fair.

We also end up unfulfilled when we disregard the sexual essence of our intimate partner. For example, we want our partners to be receptive and listen to us as if they were our therapists, but we also want them to ravish us as if they were gods or goddesses of love. Our partners may become so used to “giving us space” and listening to our problems, however, that they no longer feel free to spontaneously ravish us with the wild force of their love.
Read more