a long friend (lost)

a long friend has passed, I heard about only Friday. Thursday she was found, after having taken her own life.

She was a friend of mine for over 20 years, and a reflector.

She was my girlfriend once too, for only a week, somewhere in the early 90’s, but a true genuine, loving friend for more than 20 years.

We have connected over the years many many times, and never understood our connection, until we found Human Design. Our talks were so true and deep, genuine and loving, caring, honest.

She was so smart and friendly, never hurt anybody’s soul on purpose. She fumbled through life, stumbling, fearful, dreading, but always with a kind heart.

A rare person to find, however harsh life has been for her, so filled with hope, so eager for joy.

Alcohol has made a big impact in her life, sometimes making her unable to walk, and still she tried and tried to do no harm.

Boyfriends came and went, each succumbing to the drink themselves and all that comes with. Sometimes I needed to rescue her, and sometimes I couldn’t. But she always stayed in touch, bagatalising her miseries as we tried to laugh and joke about the sufferings of life, and usually we succeeded, every 3 or 6 months when she called.

Such a sweet heart, my friend.

The last few years rehab was tried and tried, but pigheaded and too intelligent for her own good, she failed and failed again. Running away with someone she met there, partners in the wallow. Again and again and again.

Her only hope and struggle was to see her daughter again whom was eventually taken away from her, and to find true love and stability.

Her also struggling reflector boyfriend found her, and that Friday night I put him to bed, our hearts are broken, I have never seen him look this old before.

I hardly ever cry, even when I was in the midst of deep and tear-jerking shit before, but now I cried at least 4 times already, I feel so sad for her leaving this plane, so sad for losing her kindness

So sad to hear my friend has gone, and so sad this battle seems lost. She was worth everything she ever wished for.

I feel truly blessed to have met her, and shared parts of our lives, flowing in and out, but always connected.

May her soul have found the peace she longed for.

Thank you Annemieke.