MoonBlog 46.2 The prima donna

Some 52, some others too

A few years back I made a deal with myself that every day I would at least do 1 thing of all the ideas I have/had. And it could be something small or simple like shopping for groceries, or do the dishes, but it could also mean taking a motorcycle engine apart. 1 thing, every single day.

In that way I could really acomplish stuff which would otherwise never get done, because I am quite lazy when it comes down to it, at least physically. Mentally I’m almost all the time quite strong and powerfull, always churning, thinking, contemplating, looking at all possible and impossible sides of things, and really elaborate in my mind.

(I’ve written on the humandesignglobal.ning forum blog that I feel that my mind is my most favourite body part. Ok, it has gotten me into trouble at times but it also helped me a lot/more to get out of them, again and again)

After a certain period you can look back at all the things you did do, which amounts to quite a lot. And all the ideas still incubating do not put me off, because I realise they are -my- ideas, I impose them on myself, nobody else does. So there is no rush, there is nothing to prove, they are just ideas, or wishes.

And some ideas can easily take up years in the making, and I just accept that, and communicate that if needed. But I’m always aware of the progress of any of them. And sometimes you just run into something that could be used later for such an idea, and so slowly I try to get all parts needed for an idea or wish come together, until finally one day it can be realised.

And some ideas turn out to be totally stupid or absolutely unable to fullfill, realising that fact is also the end of it’s path, just like ideas/wishes that are obtainable. It is just as satisfying as completing, because I realise why and how, and therefor it is just as completed as the others, only the result is different. My feelings do not always agree, but then my mind can soothe my ego 😉

And with my open head center I used to answer loads of other peoples questions, until just a few years ago, when I suddenly had enough. And gave some of those responsibilities back to where they did belong. Even though we (me and my surroundings) all agree I’m the best for those jobs (administration, spokesperson, accounting) because I never see them as hurdles or obstacles but as challenges. Every day is a challenge to me, that is how I have coped with the turbulence that my life is and was. And there are a few things I wish I could have handled different, and now see how it could have been done better, but I rarely regret something. It is all experience, and I’m experiencing. Not always knowingly, but in hindsight I sure am/was/have.

Also, I’m quite good in communicating, and aware of my thoughts. And most of my thoughts represent my feelings (I only recently became aware of that) so in writing, especially in answers to questions or situations, I have to look inside myself for the answers which makes me even more aware of the feelings I have. And again, not as instant remmedies, but over time. All what I have written takes time, lots of time. But I do not lose focus. my stategies and/or wishes change over time, but not the focus.