Seducing Thy-Self

Just now, with the sun/earth in 44.4/24.4 and the moon in the 46.6, my longing for a mate, mentally, and the longing for sharing/making offspring, really came from this now empty space between the middle of my ribcage.

(some call it the g-center, I don’t know, and I don’t care to know, sort of, yet).

The jerking off that followed this feeling, this longing, this drive, was not sexual at all, as sometimes happens/is not that uncommen either.

It felt like an honoring of the loss/longing/emptyness in my love/life, like a confirmation of where I was in that exact/specific moment.

And a revealing/realising while in that very moment.

This me/no(t)-self inside does not want to take care of children, but my genes do, or at least have/make them, and wanting to pick a mate for it.
(is this my mid-life/uranus opposition coming up?)

That in itself is nothing new, the yearning for a soulmate, the illusion of caring and sharing for ever and always, the sweet thought of couch-surfing the christmas holidays with the one true only is very strong, regardless of all the marketing/ad-campaigns
(they dove into this feeling and expanded, they did not invent this one).

But that some of these feelings seem to originate and so strongly out of my mid-rib-cage section is totally new.

And maybe only just this once.