it is interesting to reflect back on pre Human Design, and since.

Before, my mind would want to try to understand something, and only if it did understand, it would try out something. If my mind was unconvinced, nothing would happen with any information or knowledge.

Now this has been a great protection also, because there is so much nonsense flying around in the world, and all sorts of people telling all sorts of things, and some quite pushy, which sometimes confused me even more. So I either went on wrong paths (copious amounts of LSD for instance was one of my more active choices to investigate) or closed myself off from people or things

I also realize now, that if I did understand something, I would try it out, but only once, or maybe twice. And fail. And fail over and over and over again, because I would only try it out, once, or maybe twice. As a baby learning to ride a bicycle, or cooking dinner.

While boasting about how I actually did try, and was so good in trying it all out, but it wasn’t for me, it wasn’t meant to be. And all sorts of other reasons to not look at my very own half-assed attempts. While continuing to seek mental explanations, positive ones and negative ones, to make sense of it all.

The single most important thing I learned through Human Design (with the help of Osho and GeneKeys to learn how to pause and be more meditative in my (non-)doing) is that I needed to try not once, or twice, or even 5 times, but 1700 times, at least, and still am, trying it all out. Investigating, making mistakes. Stumbeling, faking it (!)

The long haul, 7 years of trying, and then maybe, perhaps, who knows… An ongoing experiment.

I am, right now, 5 years, 7 months, 8 days actively experimenting with my Design on a moment to moment basis, and more and more and more I realize the truth of applying my Strategy and finding and using my Inner Authority. It does not come easy, however simple some things sound. It does come slowly, and each day there are glimpses of more, more insights, more agility in being, more sinking in to this living correctly, and seeing the correct life happening all around me. With all its ups and downs.

Including the fights, the arguments, but also the loving, and hugging, with true allies. And I have to say, arguments like I receive or trigger sometimes in Facebook groups actually assist me in carrying on. I don’t go looking for them anymore, but I will not hold back either. I will not shut up or do as anyone else wants. The positive messages and likes are also very supporting, I receive them gladly, but it is those negative ones that show me time and time again, how wrong those people are, for me, and that I can just continue with investigating, exploring, discovering, stumbeling and failing, over and over and over again.

Surprises really are just around the corner

Moon Blog 57.1 in Detriment
57 the gate of intuitive Insight, the gentle
57.1 Confusion
The Moon in detriment, where feelings are no substitute for clarity and can lead to indecision. The possibility that confusion will overpower the intuition

Connecting with my 20.1 Superficiality (Design Moon) and 20.4 Application (Design Mercury) forming the Temporary Conditioning Channel of the brainwave, a design of penetrating awareness