MoonBlog 3.2 Immaturity

GeneKeys complaint, money back guarantee?

after diving quite deep and feeling intense shadows and other past or present muddy waters, and the effects this process had and has on me, now doing the deep dive for the second time actually helps me feel more shallow in its process (!)

Not arrogance though, but because the 1st DD process helped change me and my life in such a way, through but also beyond so many shadows, as if letting go of a huge enormous backpack, that I now felt so strong and agile, that I take on so much (GeneKeys DeepDive, GeneKeys Hosting, Human Design RaveABC, Permaculture), that I skip the depth of all of them, usually/mostly. And those are just the things I do for fun (!) And then all the books I (make myself) read, related to any and all of those. Pffff…

So I’m kinda back in the shadow of half-heartedness, even though it feels like I’m riding this high energy wave of, well, any siddhi actually: mastery, perfection, majesty, celebration and many others.

While I feel I need to realise this is -not- true (unless/or maybe both are true…)

Before I took on preferably one thing at a time, or at least one per day minimum -and- maximum, to make sure I could do them fully, or it least whole-heartedly, even if I would not finish or complete it because of renewed insights along the way, I do/did most things full on, or not at all. And felt quickly exhausted, even with the one thing, walking on the tips of my toes and barely being able to breath, lips just above the water, to give but an image. But I felt great about myself doing them, it felt rewarding, in my exhaustion.

Now I do all these things almost simultaniously on the same days even (!), the water seems to have evaporated (or have I become a fish?), and I now tip-toe for fun, but it feels less arduous and also less rewarding.

So my victim image/shadow self wants to play rough, feels the need for struggle, fire, darkness, hell…

At the same time I have to admit, I’m not doing that bad at any one of them, but it -feels- like I’m skipping major steps here and there.

So, can I have my money/life back, or what…?


(and I came to find out, that usually when I write something, almost immediately after the opposite happens, so this must be some prelude of deep shattering, shadow dreaming and fighting demons again…)