Music was not my first love

For a few days now, I felt a desire to sit and meditate with some intense loud music.

Now, most music played on a proper volume has an effect on me, this is why I tend to be in silence and alone most if not all of the time, which I learned to enjoy more and more as I moved out and away from playing and listening to music all day every day since the age of 16 till 24. It was during my break in France where I found the silent inner space within, and since then I learned that music also can have an adverse affect on me.

As I feel the push and drive in the excitement and joy that is triggered within me, to go beyond the me, go beyond my inner being, and shout and play, and party and … basically live my not-self in copious amounts with huge hang-overs, mentally and spiritually, emotionally.

And usually, when playing music, I always ‘do’ something, perhaps read, do some bookkeeping, browse the web, FaceTube, email, skype texts, or, I end up doing things, I end up not being able to sit still and listen, to the music, to the triggers, to me

My first thought a few days ago, was to have a go at listening to the wonderful Musical Jesus Christ Superstar but today, as I finally made time after some household chores, I listened to Supertramp – Live in Paris. While occasionally doing some breath exercises.

It took me back to the here and now. To the things I do not want, to the things that I do. To the dilemma of feeling a need to do, and not do. To live like a cat, to live like a dog. To live without the clock. To live, but also, to live differently.

Fun exercise to stay choreless, and undestracted from doing anything, but listening and breathing, while observing, and observing some more.

Music was not my first love