MoonBlog 42.3 Trial and error

Self-devotion

I feel and realise now, that I wanted human design, then integral human design, and now the deep dive to be a permanent change in my life.

From conditioned, mundaine, sheeplike, shadow patterned and patented monotony and stupidity, left-brain dictations to a freed life, of eternal bliss, profound love, monetairy indifference, fullfilling dreams and wishes, and loads of joy.

But I also realise now that it is all wishfull -thinking-

And yes, my body does feel different, I feel my body differently. My mind operates the same but is not so much in control anymore as it has taken a more observing stance.

And my heart, my heart feels so much bigger now, with all these extra people in it. Because that is what it feels like for me. The more people you let into your heart, the bigger it becomes, and that gives a great big feeling of strength, comfort and warmth.

Together with the effect of the transmission, through the concept on the one hand, the digestive process in body and mind, the breathing and pausing (again in body and mind)

(‘Foo Fighters – New Way Home.mp3’ playing in the background: “I’m not scared, I felt like this on my way home”)

I’ve still only read/listened to 4 genekeys once only: 52, 29, 12 and my life’s work 47. Already vastly changes some of my perceptions, and I could even do with some more slowing down, and then reading/listening them again.

And like Anah Laudenslager says: “devotion to self”, hmmm, I like and do that. And through that I can be devoted to the other, with all my heart and all the rest that is me. But am a bit overwhelmed by all the things I’ve taken upon me to do.
Studying RaveABC, doing the DeepDive, still having a business/clients but also in the process of shutting that down, and so the balancing act between mental/physical time and what I -want- to do (ride my bike, do some shopping, contemplate, watch a movie) is making me a bit agitated.

So hear I sit whining a bit, needing some food, 1st day of (only) smoking every 2 hours, getting (mentally) ready to go to a client to give him my full attention and skills, get a snack for dinner maybe, then an online lecture about centers, after an online meeting with reflectors, and than back to bed.

…Sigh…