4/6 Reflector PLL-DLR

freedom

Are you really seeking security or are you seeking freedom from insecurity?

“It is a very important question. Who wants crutches? Who is the person who wants crutches? The one who cannot stand on one’s own legs. As long as you are insecure on your legs, you want crutches, you need crutches. The one who is secure does not need them. Crutches are not a part of your outfit. You do not dress up nicely and don some crutches also! No. People need crutches only when they feel insecure on their own legs. The more you need crutches, the more insecure you feel. Tell me now, do you want crutches or do you want freedom from insecurity?

Nobody wants crutches. The more crutches you have, the more insecure you are. And there are many crutches. Finances are crutches, name is a crutch, fame is a crutch, power is a crutch, community is a crutch. All these are crutches. You want to become a member of a community so that you will feel good, which is why all cults will tell you, “You are special.” Somebody is there to keep you under their control, telling you that you are someone special, that it is you against many.

When we seek security, it means we feel insecure. There is nothing wrong or right here. We are only trying to understand what is going on. We are not making any judgement that this person is right and the other one is wrong. ‘Right and wrong’ is not the point. What we are trying to get at is, we feel insecure about ourselves. Being self-conscious, the human being is insecure. And there are definitely reasons for this sense of insecurity, but they seem valid according to the person.

We are going to analyse these reasons that seem to be very valid. We are going to question their validity by seeing thoroughly the fallacy of all those arguments that seem to support the sense of insecurity. If they do not have a standing, they fall apart; naturally, the insecurity also goes away along with them.

It is important to understand that you are not seeking security. You cannot stand being insecure. It means you are seeking freedom from insecurity. When you seek freedom from insecurity, should you seek security or should you question, “Why am I insecure?” When you seek security, you are taking youself for granted as someone who is insecure; you have already concluded that you are insecure.

Now, how real is this conclusion? What are the reasons for it? All these we analyse. That is the viveka here. “Am I really insecure, or is something else insecure which I take to be myself, and then feel insecure?”” – Swami Dayananda Saraswati, Tattvabodhah

MoonBlog 54.5

Facebook or not

about a year ago it became clear to me, and people near me, that I had to approach my online presence in a different way. Noticing how I got consumed by righting wrongs and engaging in many online skirmishes and even battles that then also trickled down into offline life. Now of course not every person one meets is for you, correctly so or not, whether online or offline, and with some people I am glad to have only met as briefly as we did, because really, some of you, fuck you man, wow. And given my Perspective/view of Power where I not only see the winners and losers, from my own perspective, I do indeed keep score, naturally. But all that is just the face of it, that might even only be the result.

What is far more important, is my own process, and the ongoing investigation; why do I do the things that I do, or not do? Important and exiting, exhilarating at times, as I dive into the uncertainty of the quest, and all the different explorations that open up as I question myself.
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Conclusions

So the back story to this ‘overview’ is this

When I was in Puna India at the OSHO International Meditation Resort in 2011 a few things happened, but one was where some person in a authority/hierarchy position demanded more from me than I was willing (or able), and I dropped quickly, easy and deeply, into victimization mode.

There was a lot of back and forth on it, and besides this person being a manipulative vindictive control monkey, I was deeply identified and even felt powerful in my victimization, and wore it as a costume, exclaiming and lamenting loudly.

Until, after quite a few days of me doing this, finally someone said something about it, about just that. That even though yes, it happened, it was all true and all, but now, ‘move the fuck on’.

It took me at least 6 months, already back home, before I could even see what was said and meant. The veil of it, the identification and justifications were laid upon so thick, it took quite a while to dawn on me.

But, then I did, did see, and started seeing with new eyes, and started seeing more veils, not just my own, but some of others’ too, and some very clearly and loudly so. As if some neon-lights were switched on *blink blink blink*.

Seeing myself and others’ mental identification stories, has helped me free myself from these, more to come, maybe/perhaps?

MoonBlog 42.3 Trial and error

Self-devotion

I feel and realise now, that I wanted human design, then integral human design, and now the deep dive to be a permanent change in my life.

From conditioned, mundaine, sheeplike, shadow patterned and patented monotony and stupidity, left-brain dictations to a freed life, of eternal bliss, profound love, monetairy indifference, fullfilling dreams and wishes, and loads of joy.

But I also realise now that it is all wishfull -thinking-

And yes, my body does feel different, I feel my body differently. My mind operates the same but is not so much in control anymore as it has taken a more observing stance.
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