4/6 Reflector PLL-DLR

arrogance

MoonBlog 31.2 arrogance

In relationships one can be heard saying: “I have a problem with you about money”, which is an interesting story. Because basically we ourselves have a problem about money then, but the mind uses the other as a lightning rod to distract us from that. And so an argument, about money, or about the other, begins. Drama made up by the mind.

The problem is about money then, so we think, but besides money being ‘the root of all evil’ in some circles, money can’t talk back it does not respond to our worries and woes, so money is quickly dropped as being the focus of our problem and only the other is left to carry that accusation and weight.

But who is having said problem? We have, well actually, our mind has a problem. And then uses us, money and the other as reasons to dramatize.

See, the story is not about the other, it is not even about money and it certainly is not about us ourselves.
The story is about the story (!!) as the mind wants to dramatize and make up different beliefs to heckle us incessantly and distract us from things actually already being ok, so it can stay in control to run our lives.

“See, look the other, or money, there is your problem, see how right I am and good I am taking care of you?”

And we tend to think the story is about the other, money or even ourselves, when none of those are the issue. We waste countless hours considering this & that, but the only real issue we have, is the stories themselves that we hear and run with. The stories we are being distracted by in the illusion of even having a problem in the first place. And then we try to -resolve the topic- of that story, with more countless hours of energy, discussions, perhaps even going online looking for support for this issue, or pay someone to listen to us having all these issues, where slowly as we peel away the layers of our thinking about the other first, money second, ourselves third, we think (again) to have a handle on things, on our issues, while making elaborate schemes how to handle money, how to deal with the other with money, how we look at our own issues with money too. Patting ourselves on the back how far we think we’ve come.

When the made-up story itself is never looked at, the foundation, the reasons of even having the story to begin with.
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Conclusions

So the back story to this ‘overview’ is this

When I was in Puna India at the OSHO International Meditation Resort in 2011 a few things happened, but one was where some person in a authority/hierarchy position demanded more from me than I was willing (or able), and I dropped quickly, easy and deeply, into victimization mode.

There was a lot of back and forth on it, and besides this person being a manipulative vindictive control monkey, I was deeply identified and even felt powerful in my victimization, and wore it as a costume, exclaiming and lamenting loudly.

Until, after quite a few days of me doing this, finally someone said something about it, about just that. That even though yes, it happened, it was all true and all, but now, ‘move the fuck on’.

It took me at least 6 months, already back home, before I could even see what was said and meant. The veil of it, the identification and justifications were laid upon so thick, it took quite a while to dawn on me.

But, then I did, did see, and started seeing with new eyes, and started seeing more veils, not just my own, but some of others’ too, and some very clearly and loudly so. As if some neon-lights were switched on *blink blink blink*.

Seeing myself and others’ mental identification stories, has helped me free myself from these, more to come, maybe/perhaps?