There is this chair that I like.

It started out quite a few months ago, when me and my then-girlfriend figured we’d like a comfy but not big/plush chair near the window, to sit in and read in the sunshine while being able to peek outside. To the sky, the city, the people way downstairs. And maybe even sit in together.

As I pondered what kind of chair, I happened to look online at a second hand website and also the Ikea website, and there it was, the Nolmyra. A perfect little light chair, but seemingly very comfortable and high enough for comfy reading and peeking outside, and perhaps even big enough for two. At least it was open enough on the sides.

But, it was not available, it could not even be ordered, and was not in store in any of the 12 Dutch shops. ‘How very odd, to have a chair on their website’, I thought, ‘but to be completely unavailable.’

I was dead set on that chair. It did not leave my mind, as it seemed so perfect, even the color-scheme, something I don’t always look at, or care about, but it really seemed ideal in so many ways. Except for not being able to buy it. And sometimes I had some money for it, and sometimes I didn’t, and every so often I’d check the availability, which stayed the same. Would I write them about it? Would I ask them about this interesting but unavailable product on their website? I could sign up for getting a text or an email when it would be available, so I signed up for the email option.

And waited. And sometimes thought whether it was a sign. That this chair was not to come here, maybe not to this house, maybe we’d be moving to another house, maybe this, maybe that, and maybe the other. I shook my head to all these thoughts. These interpretation of signposts, this seeking for purpose and meaning in (non)events, and gazed outside from my other chair at my desk.

Well, I did peek on their website every now and then, to see, but no change and no message. Another few weeks went by, and I could envision the chair being in that place near the window with me or she in it, dozing off in the view or a story.

And then, a message from Ikea ! It must have been quite a few weeks already since signing up, I’d forgotten how long even. The message read that ‘the standard amount of time for this service had passed, the item was still unavailable, please sign up again if you’re still interested’

Wait, what…?! grmbl [you bastards!]

I went back to their website, and thought to order it, and see if that would give me a clue to it’s delivery time. which worked ! It said ‘end of September’ But it was June ! What the what? But ok, at least now it had more info about this weirdly unavailable but very attractive chair.

So I waited some more. And waited some more. Time passed by, stuff happened, events occurred. And then… to my surprise, I receive an addressed catalog from Ikea, I never signed up for. And first just put it on the table and did some other stuff, but later that day I started looking through it, and whatdoyouknow, there on page 21 was that chair, in black this time, but there it was, and on page 152, 176, and page 180 !

I rushed to the Ikea website, and went to living room, feauteuils, sort by price, and there it was, 29 in store !

But no money…

So I waited.

And waited.

And in the last week or so, I do have money for this chair, but not knowing how big the package is, it feels wrong to even try and get it on my motorbike. And I feel no opening to go by public transport. And I’ve asked one person with a car but that was not possible at the time I asked, and I feel resistance to ask other people with cars, to phone them up and push/ask. It feels incorrect, the opening is not there, yet, for this chair. And they only have 3, no, 2 in store now, and 51 in black !

Even just this morning, the chair keeps coming back to my conscious thoughts, but also the non-event happening, as I notice and watch, and wait. For this beautiful grey light cheap comfy window chair. And I feel what I can do, how I can ‘make it happen’, how I can force my will onto the world, force feed it with whatever I come up with, to have it deliver me my desires, my wishes. From one (un)fulfilled desire to the next.

Or I can just wait, and observe, and notice. Heh :-Þ